these city walls

Fun-Sized

Billy: Hey, you ever thought about fun sized candy bars?
Me: Uh, no, what about them?
Billy: Well, what's so fun about getting less candy?

posted by Cameron Lawrence at 16:48   

Step A Little Closer

If you haven't seen this, you really should.

posted by Cameron Lawrence at 23:14   

The picket lines are littered
by pointing fingers in disguise.
We call them signs.
The one-by-two, and two-by-four
lumber scraps become one of five
fleshly digits we've named justified,
righteous, sons and daughters,
beloved accusations, anything but
I am the problem.

posted by Cameron Lawrence at 01:19   

Dear Nashville,

I am smitten with you and will be back soon.

Love,
Cameron

posted by Cameron Lawrence at 11:20   

Notorious C.A.M.

How about notorious for not doing anything else when the computer is turned on. Sheesh, when did I get addicted?

Lots to do.

Oy.

posted by Cameron Lawrence at 16:28   

And then there was TiVo.

I realize two things as I sit on the couch: 1) I would have missed Crossroads (The show on CMT, not the movie with you know who) featuring Dave Matthews and Emmylou Harris tonight had it not been for the lovely graces of TiVo, and 2) Emmylou Harris is strikingly beautiful, and even more so when she picks up the guitar to play "My Antonia." I am wondering what the song has to do with Willa Cather's book by the same title, or if it's related at all. The only thing that could make this better would be, say, if Ryan Adams and Emmy Lou Harris were performing together like they did on Heartbreaker.

They have a time for questions from the audience and a nervous girl asks Dave about he and his wife's wedding rings being made of pennies. "Her's isn't made of pennies," Dave says, "It was a family heirloom--that wasn't too expensive, just some repairs. Mine was made of pennies." I like that Dave wanted his ring to be made of pennies because he didn't care for the idea of spending a lot of money on one. I have heard that about him before, that he drives a station wagon and gives most of his money away. He's more human this way. One of the gods stepping down from the mountain. And I don't rejoice about his humanity because of spite or jealousy, but because he is just a man who writes really, really good songs. And Emmylou is just a woman who writes really, really good songs. I find this comforting.

There are thousands of songwriters, many not good and some extraordinary. And I am among them trying to find my place, a voice, an audience. If I'm honest I'd admit that sometimes I'm afraid I'll never write anything worthwhile. I can either let the fact that Daves and Emmys and Ryans are out there intimidate me into silence, or I can remember that at some point they too sat somehwere listening to someone play songs that were far superior to their own. I'm sure any one of them have a list of songs they think are better than theirs. I'd like to see that list...

posted by Cameron Lawrence at 23:59   

Storyteller

What a beautiful movie.

posted by Cameron Lawrence at 23:12   

Turn

The man across the street yelled to Noah the other day, "Hey, come here. I know who stole your stuff, just give me some money and I can get it back." Noah's house was broken into while he was away in Florida two weeks ago. It was especially bad, not because they took everything (they didn't), or because they stole his music collection (which they did), but because he only moved to Atlanta a week previous to the burglary. It started with five dollars, then twenty, and ended with ninety. Each time he promised to get Noah's stuff back he came back with a story just believable enough, but that was all he delivered--stories.

The house smelled like a week of cigarettes the moment he stepped in. And I really, really wanted to believe him. Noah had more faith in him tonight when he said that if he had just a little bit more money he could get the stuff, just enough for gas money to drive there. The fact that Noah was willing to give this man the benefit of the doubt, that he wasn't just trying to scam money to sustain a high, started to make me feel really bad. I admired him for it. I hoped his only purpose was to help, that Noah would get his stuff back. And sadly I was right about him. What started as five dollars for gas money ended up being forty and Noah's stuff is still no where to be found, neither is his neighbor.

This is by no means for me a final judgment on how I will respond to our world. I'm still going to look for the good in the eyes of every person I meet. I will continue to try and make friends with strangers for the simple reason that we are all human and are in this life thing together. And we can really make it better for one another. But tonight was a reality check. Our world is wounded and in need of healing.

posted by Cameron Lawrence at 01:04   

Come Pick Me Up

I watched as a couple three rows up moved closer and closer together. As soon as the speaker began to issue challenges about the way we do relationships in our generation it was as if they needed to touch each other, to be intimate, in order to feel as though they hadn’t made a mistake by being together, that everything that man in the blue shirt said about skipping stages, teleporting from one end of the relationship to the other without proper development in between, didn’t apply to them.

On the way to 7:22, Adam, Noah, and I had been joking about it being a meat market for Christian singles--absolutely convinced that most of the people there were not in fact Christian: they are too hip, we said, too beautiful, even. Christians are supposed to be plain and boring. Long skirts, no make up, bow ties and penny loafers, or something. Browns, lots of browns. Not the people at 7:22, no, they were certainly in no way Christian.

He said, the man in the blue shirt, that finding the love of your life will never be like a movie. That true romance doesn’t start with physical action, but starts with spirituality, understanding who a person is psychologically, emotionally. All of these things build a foundation and result in sex, but when it comes to that, the physical, it’s no longer just sex but love making. The physical is preceded by a greater context this way, it means more.

There was a lot of laughter and elbows poking ribs at the ways guys and girls do things. There were many whispers throughout the room filling the spaces in between the blue shirt man’s ideas--personal stories, failures and heartbreaks, doubts, desires, hopes. We all knew that his assessments and thoughts were built on their own foundation, the truth. My slightly red cheeks flushed in agreement more than once.

He wanted to leave us with some advice on finding the right person. If I had a pen with me I might have pulled its blue cap off with my teeth and folded my paper to the blank side. But what he said I didn’t need to write down. This was something I’d remember, I was sure. He said that the issue isn’t finding the right person. The issue is being the right person.

posted by Cameron Lawrence at 00:01   

I'm really really trying not to buy the Whiskeytown albums I've been wanting, but that devilish iTunes is taunting me...

Sarah and I were talking tonight about band names. I was thinking that a good band name would be "In Concert."

posted by Cameron Lawrence at 14:34