these city walls

Many thanks to Jason for encouraging me to buy Jeff Buckley "Grace":

(In Best Buy)
Jason: You should get the Jeff Buckley album.
Me: Oh yeah?
Jason: Yeah. If anyone tells me they love music and they don't own Grace I think they don't know what they're talking about.
Me: Hmmm...really?
Jason: Yeah.

posted by Cameron Lawrence at 22:04   

The Flint of Relocation

I can't say that Atlanta feels like home. Home is really where the people are, my people. It sounds strange to say "my people" as if I were part of some minority or tribe, but there is some validity to the feeling that goes along with such a statement, a sense of rootedness. I've realized that we take being known for granted. Most of us don't consider the question at all, what if no one knew me? And while I don't want to come across as a depressed, isolated, post-college loner, I must say that moving from the left to right coast hasn't been the easiest of adjustments. This has certainly been the loneliest time of my life. I think that’s a good thing. So much of who we are, if we allow it, can become defined entirely by our relationships. To be alone in a new city strips that away dramatically. And that’s a good thing, I promise.

My cliché meter peaks when I hear the question “who am I?” But that particular question has held my face between its hands and, with a searching gaze, has been relentless since I arrived in Georgia. What do they see when I meet them after a show at Smith’s? What does my choice of T-shirt say about my affiliations, my history, my parents, my aspirations? Can it say anything? Are my manners good enough for the Southern gents and belles? I have to care about sports now, and the teams of the SEC conference are…?

I’m aware that I no longer have the safety net of four to eight years to precede me contextually in the majority of social interactions. Every relationship has to be one marked by intentionality and giving of self. There’s no room for complacent hit or miss strategies, yet I don’t want to seem overzealous. The greater challenge is to remain authentic. To borrow a phrase from one of my professors, “Just tell the damn story.” That may seem a bit oblique, let me explain. The temptation is to overly sell a story, to make it too beautiful, or explain too much to the reader. In a situation like mine the tendency is to oversell oneself. To be smart, good looking, fashionable, caring, sensitive, masculine, artistic, athletic, ironic, cultured, wealthy—at the very least, appear to possess and exceed society’s top ten attributes, wear your hair like so-and-so, and find look-a-like whatevers at Last Chance. It becomes increasingly difficult to place oneself, as is, in the path of scrutiny’s arrows. But which is better, to have integrity and be rejected, or to manufacture an image sure to burn away?

“Now if any man builds upon the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each man’s work will become evident; for the day will show it, because it is to be revealed with fire; and the fire itself will test the quality of each man’s work." 1 Corinthians 3:12-13

posted by Cameron Lawrence at 20:49